Reflection: Why the Sting Lasts.

James Clear said it well: you can take something seriously without taking it personally. Let's break down why that's so much easier said than done — and how we can start to pivot from survival/protector mode towards something a little more like love and kindness.

Here's why the sting hits so hard: our brains are wired to lean into criticism far more than praise. Because our brains are wired to pay more attention to criticism than praise. We’re built to scan for threats to our safety and social belonging — it’s part of our biological design.

Picture this: it's performance review season. Your manager spends ten minutes outlining everything you've done well, and then delivers one line — "sometimes your communication style can come across as abrupt" — and suddenly that's the only sentence you can hear. You replay it in the car. You replay it at dinner. You replay it at 11pm while staring at the ceiling, mentally composing a very articulate defense that no one asked for.

Or maybe it's a peer who casually drops in a meeting, "I just felt like I wasn't looped in on that decision" — and even though you moved on, part of your brain did not.

Sound familiar? That's not you being oversensitive. That's your stress response doing exactly what it was designed to do. When critique arrives, the nervous system activates into survival mode: pay attention, learn from this, don't let it happen again. It files that feedback away like an urgent memo tied to safety and belonging.

Praise, on the other hand, is wonderful — but it doesn't trigger the same alarm because there isn’t anything threatening. The nervous system essentially shrugs: great, we're safe, carry on. And so it washes over us. Ten compliments, one critique — and we spend the rest of the week living in the one.

Because we're built that way to protect our survival.

And once we understand that, we can stop being surprised by the reaction and start getting curious about it instead.

Reframe: Take the Flowers, Leave the Weeds.

Not all feedback is for you to keep.

Some of it is useful, growth-giving, and worth taking in. Some of it is noise, projection, or simply not yours to carry.

Take the flowers. Leave the weeds.

This is how we stay open to growth without absorbing everything as truth.

Restore: A Compassionate Break.

After receiving feedback that stings (or just a long challenging day) — try this brief reset:

Name the reaction. Before you analyze anything, simply notice what’s happening inside you.

• I’m feeling defensive.

• Embarrassed.

• Dismissed.

• My chest feels tight.

You don’t need to fix the feeling immediately. Just acknowledge that it’s here.

Remember your humanity. Of course this landed. Humans are wired to react to perceived criticism or disconnection. Your nervous system is doing what nervous systems do: trying to protect you.

Respond with kindness instead of interrogation.

• That was hard to hear.

• No wonder I’m activated right now.

• I can care for myself and still reflect honestly on the feedback later.

• One uncomfortable moment does not define my worth, competence, or future.

When we put this together, we begin building inner resilience through awareness, common humanity, and talking well to ourselves — not by pretending the moment didn’t hurt, but by being with ourselves while it does.

How else can we expect ourselves to “bounce back” after a setback if we aren’t tending to it.

If this month's theme is resonating, you might enjoy reading Nurture Your Soil: 4 Ingredients to Thrive in a Toxic Work Culture. The first ingredient — It's Not About You — pairs directly with what we explored this month. When criticism lands, recognizing that someone else's reaction often says more about them than about you is one of the most liberating shifts you can make. It's the invisible shield that lets you stay present, grounded, and wonderfully you — even when the culture around you is anything but.

Read the full blog →

Becoming Your Sensible Self

Criticism doesn't just land in the mind. It lands in the body first — a tightened chest, a locked jaw, heat rising in your face.

Before you respond or retreat, pause. Try this:

The Feedback Body Scan

1. Locate it. Where does this feedback live right now? Chest? Stomach? Throat? Just notice.

2. Name it. One word. Tight. Heavy. Hot. You're observing, not analyzing.

3. Breathe into it. One slow breath toward that spot — not to fix it, just to acknowledge it.

4. Ask: Is there something here that will genuinely help me? If yes, write it down. One sentence.

5. Decide what to leave. Is the rest mine to carry? If not, you're allowed to set it down.

6. Close the loop. This happened. I listened for what was useful. I can let the rest soften.

Take in what supports your growth. Let the rest pass through.

Individual Offering

Something I'm excited to share with you this month.

I'm co-hosting a workshop with Sonia Pietruszka of Tap to Shine Wellness  and if stress at work has ever felt like your permanent default setting, this one is for you.

From Stressed to Reset: Practical Tools for the Overwhelmed Professional is an interactive, hands-on experience designed to help you understand what's actually happening in your nervous system when stress takes over and how to interrupt it before it runs the show.

You'll walk away with science-backed insight into your own stress patterns, three body-based reset techniques you can use immediately, and a live introduction to EFT Tapping — a somatic tool that goes deeper than coping.

Thursday, June 11th at 10am CST

Spots are limited, we'd love to see you there.

Register here 

© Blackbird Life Coaching 

2105 Wilmette Avenue | Wilmette, IL | United States | 60091

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