The connection between love (or compassion) and stress isn’t always obvious, so let’s make it plain.
Much of what we know about this connection comes from the work of Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer, who have spent decades researching self-compassion and its impact on resilience, performance, and well-being.
First, a quick reframe of the word compassion. Dr. Neff often reminds us that compassion comes from the Latin roots:
com (with) and passion (suffering). So self-compassion is simply how we are with ourselves when we’re suffering.
And if I’m being honest...my relationship with my suffering used to be harsh. I judged my shortcomings as personal flaws and taught myself to push feelings down or away. It took me years to expand my emotional vocabulary because I was so emotionally malnourished.
When we, as humans, experience stress, we're experiencing a threat response (aka we're in suffering). Self-compassion tends to be at its lowest when stress is at its highest.
Instead of tending and befriending ourselves, we: criticize ourselves (fight) pull away and isolate (flight) replay the situation endlessly, trying to fix it retroactively (freeze)
Neff and Germer’s research shows that practicing self-compassion, which is made up of mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity, helps us cope with stress and setbacks without slipping into harsh self-judgment.
When these three elements are practiced together, they create the internal conditions for: My starting point was simple: I took the self-compassion assessment to see where my strengths already lied. Then I focused on strengthening my highest area (do the easy thing first). Every 9-15 months, I retook the assessment to celebrate progress and identify the next area for development.
Access more ideas, free practice resources from the Self-Compassion Institute with Dr Kristin Neff.
I am far from perfect. I still struggle when emotions and pressure collide.
But my recovery is much quicker and that’s worth everything.
Self-Compassion is a core element I focus on with clients navigating burnout. When we practice self-compassion, we move through challenges more quickly instead of getting stuck in overthinking or self-criticism. We conserve our energy rather than draining it on replaying situations, which helps us feel more balanced at the end of the day. We also build trust in ourselves, recognizing that stress
is a natural part of life, making it easier to show up with patience and compassion for both ourself and others.
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